The Tortured Poets Department Is 100% About Joe Alwyn Here’s Why
By now you know that Taylor Swift shocked the world by announcing her 11th studio album The Tortured Poets Department after her 13th Grammy win Sunday night. This came after she basically made the fans unhinged thinking she was planning on announcing Reputation (Taylor’s Version) that night or at least this week in Tokyo. Seriously there were signs and I’m still not counting out Tokyo it would be chaotic and I expect nothing less from Miss Taylor.
Besides, you know the shock of TS11 coming and coming during the Eras Tour (seriously how is that going to be handled?)I had some immediate questions and things stood out. First, Taylor notoriously writes about her life (perhaps even she says things are fictional) so a new album had to be about one of two things. Her new whirlwind, highly publicized, and hopefully “End Game” relationship with Kansas City Chief’s Tight End Travis Kelce. Or the breakup with Joe Alwyn who she dated for 6 years. And I’m here to tell you without a doubt The Tortured Poets Department is about Joe Alwyn. And don’t worry I’ll explain (in more detail than you ever wanted to know).
The Immediate Signs The Tortured Poets Department Is About Joe Alwyn
Let’s start with the first telltale sign- the title. It stood out instantly that this was a long title. Of the 10 studio albums Taylor has released in her 8 of those have had one-word titles (RED, Lover, Fearless, Folklore, etc). The two exceptions? One was simply her name. And the other was Speak Now. Just two words and a short phrase. The Tortured Poets Department it’s not like the others. So where did this come from? It’s a nod to Joe Alwyn and a group chat he had/has with Paul Mescal and Andrew Scott called “The Tortured Man Club”. That’s no coincidence- Taylor is a self-professed “Mastermind”.
The second thing that stood out almost instantly was Taylor saying this was a secret she had been keeping for two years. Two years pre-dates Midnights which was released in October of 2022. After the breakup fans speculated that perhaps Midnights was the breakup album. It certainly hinted at it. But the pair had been seen in public after the album’s release. Then in May, she dropped the track “You’re Losing Me” which was clearly about the end of the relationship. But it wasn’t until the track was released on streaming services in November that we learned WHEN “You’re Losing Me” was written. And it was much earlier than we thought. Jack Antonoff is the one who dropped the bomb that the heartbreaking song was written on 12/5/21. Just over two years ago. This is when the relationship seemingly began to show signs of going downhill.
Joe Reacts
Joe is also seemingly panicking already and doing damage control. The Daily Mail dropped this article yesterday. Their sources confirm Alwyn realizes the title is about him. It also states that he has stayed quiet about the breakup. That’s no surprise to anyone the man stayed quiet during the relationship and essentially hid her away and refused to speak about her. Taylor has admitted (more on that later) that she regrets the time she hid away. And she’s never been one to shy about writing about her life (unless you’re Calvin Harris). Alwyn got some incredible love songs, “You’re Losing Me” is one of the best breakup songs she’s ever written and looks like now he is getting an entire album.
From reading the Daily Mail article it sounds like he may be afraid of what is about to come out. It does seem like stuff went down and I can’t wait for all the tea. ‘Regardless of what she does, he will still not respond because he has removed himself from her narrative and is very glad, he did.’ is what Daily Mail’s source says. Good for you Joe I hope that bodes well for you.
Then (thanks to it being leaked online) last night Taylor dropped the track list on us. I instantly sent it to half the people I communicate with on a daily basis. Reactions included “Holy S…” “So Joe will never be seen in public again” “RIP him” and “I cackled at ‘The Smallest Man That Ever Lived’. Even at first glance, you have to know The Tortured Poets Department is a breakup album and you have to know it’s about Joe Alwyn.
Here’s the Tracklist:
Side A
Fortnight (feat. Post Malone)
The Tortured Poets Department
My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
Down BadSide B
So Long, London
But Daddy I Love Him
Fresh Out the Slammer
Florida!!! (Florence + the Machine)Side C
Guilty as Sin?
Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?
I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)
lomlSide D
I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
The Alchemy
Clara Bow
Bonus Track: The Manuscript
Let’s delve into some of these now.
There are the obvious tracks that allude to a messy breakup and her being less than thrilled with him. “Guilty as Sin”, “I Can Fix Him”, “The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived”. Has witness protection already contacted Joe Alwyn? If not they need to. Jake Gyllenhaal is looking like he may have gotten off easy. But there are other tracks that even more specifically reference Joe.
First- “Fresh Out Of The Slammer”. At first glance, you may be asking who got arrested. Valid question. But I don’t think it’s that black and white (pun intended). Let’s take a look at some reputation lyrics. “He can be my jailer” is a line from “Ready For It” a track widely believed to be about Alwyn. The pair got together when Taylor disappeared from the public eye, and they were very very private.
She spent most of their time together in London. The pair were rarely seen in public together. This changed post-breakup where she has been out and about living her best life. It seems he was keeping her locked up. Maybe she liked that at first, but clearly didn’t want that to be her life. She even mentioned it in her Time Person Of The Year article- “Me locking myself away in my house for years- I’ll never get that time back” seemingly shading that time in her life and regretting him keeping her “jailed”.
FLORIDA
If Taylor and Joe lived in London why is there a track called “Florida” on this list? That seems random at first glance, right? Wrong. Did you forget who we are dealing with? Tampa Florida was the first place Taylor played on The Eras Tour after the breakup was announced. A few weeks earlier in Arlington Texas, she replaced “Invisible String” (about her relationship with Alwyn) on The Eras Tour setlist with “The One”.
So Long London And Other Love Song To Breakup Song Parallels
“So Long London” is pretty obvious. What scares me and excites me all at the same time is that this seems to be track 5. A spot reserved for the most emotional and vulnerable song on an album. I’m seemingly not ready and can’t wait to hear this one. Taylor had a track on 2019’s Lover called “London Boy”. It was one of only a handful of songs she never sang as a surprise song on the first leg of The Eras Tour. Something tells me she never will.
Alchemy is another track that stood out to me. For one you can’t convince me this isn’t a track Aaron Dessner this title just screams the two of them. But what is alchemy you ask? The Webster Dictionary definition says it is “a medieval chemical science and speculative philosophy aiming to achieve the transmutation of the base metals into gold”. In simpler terms trying to make fake gold or something into gold that isn’t. Let’s revisit a lyric from “Daylight”- ‘I used to think love was burning red, but now it’s golden’. Perhaps it wasn’t true gold, but instead an attempt at alchemy?
April 19th
Albums come out on Fridays so while Swifties often speculate about strategic release dates there is always a practicality to it as well. But if this is a coincidence it’s one for the ages. Post breakup Taylor publicly went to dinner with numerous of her friends. One of the most notable dinners was on April 19th with Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds who immediately unfollowed Joe Alwyn on Instagram. This kicked off what is known as the great unfollowing where other friends like the Haim sisters, Gigi Hadid, her brother, Jack Antonoff, Aaron Dessner, and more said goodbye publically to Joe. This was again on April 19th. Whatever happened between the pair was divulged to her friends on April 19th, 2023, and will be to the rest of the world on April 19th, 2024.
If you need your head to spin just a tad more April 19th was the start of the American Revolution between the Americans and the British. Dare I say ‘Mastermind” again? You can’t deny The Tortured Poets Department is about Joe Alwyn. We are 1500 words in and I could go on for another 1500 but I’ll leave you with this- “Alls fair in love and poetry” -Taylor Swift (The Chairman of the Tortured Poets Department).