Mom Upset Cousin Secretly Gives Her Kid Allowance
A mom is looking for advice from Slate’s “Care and Feeding” column over an allowance issue with her son. She writes that she’s very close to her cousin, Sara, and her 11-year-old son, Ben, spends a lot of time with Sara’s family. The mom explains that she and her husband “don’t believe in allowance,” but Ben does chores because he’s part of the family, and it helps the household. To earn money, they have him do special projects or odd jobs for neighbors, like pet sitting or yard work.
Sara’s kids do get an allowance, and when Ben is at their house, he pitches in with chores, and Sara pays him. When Ben’s mom found out, she was upset and asked Sara to stop. Instead, Sara changed Ben’s jobs to things like walking the dog, so she could justify giving him an allowance, but his mom still didn’t approve. She recently found out Sara is continuing to pay Ben because she says it doesn’t feel right not to give him money for helping out. “I feel like my head is going to explode,” the mom writes. “I don’t know how to put into words why this doesn’t feel right and that we should be the one to teach Ben about finances.”
She asks “Care and Feeding” for advice on explaining to the family that what Sara is doing is wrong. The columnist begins by validating the mom by saying at the end of the day, she’s the mom, and her cousin should respect her wishes about how she wants to raise Ben. But they ask the mom, “Is this a hill you’re willing to die on?” If so, they say she can set a clear boundary by forbidding Ben from going to Sara’s if she doesn’t stop paying him. Or she could set rules about what Ben can do at Sara’s so everyone is on the same page.
Source: Slate
