The MRL Morning Show

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Meeting for coffee on a first date seems like a safe choice, right? Not if you hope to get a second date, according to one relationship expert. Australian dating coach Louanne Ward is not a fan of the casual coffee date as a first date and calls it a “second date killer.”

Ward believes meeting for a “boring” coffee date right off the bat could be the reason so many of her followers are single. She shares five reasons why you shouldn’t make this a first date:

  1. Cafes are noisy, uncomfortable, and crowded. ​​​​​​​​
  2. They are one of the most distracting places with people coming and going which takes the attention away from you. ​​
  3. You sit across from each other with a table between you creating a barrier.​​​​​​​​
  4. Knowing you only have a short time together on a typical coffee date, you may try to fire off interview-style questions so you check off all the important ones.
  5. There’s not much chance to extend the date unless you plan on drinking back-to-back ​​​​​​​​coffees. ​​​​​​​​

Besides avoiding the “boring” coffee first date, Ward’s tips for successful dating include:

  • Flex your social confidence muscle – She calls social confidence a “dating game-changer” and advises singles to leave the phone apps behind and talk to people in real-time. “Rather than waiting for the right time to approach someone or wondering if they’re single, just say something,” she says.
  • Stay in your dating lane – Ward admits things like looks, money, and physical attraction are important but says instead you should be focusing on compatibility. She says shared values and compatibility, “not superficial ego-driven desires,” are the key to successful relationships.
  • Use one dating app at a time – Lots of singles use multiple dating apps at the same time to increase their chances of success, but this expert advises against it. “If your profile is seen everywhere, it could give the vibe that you are desperate or too fussy,” Ward explains. “Whereas if you’re only on one dating site, psychologically you create scarcity and come across as a rare find, which can make you appear higher value.”