Nicole Kidman says her first marriage, to Tom Cruise, taught her how to navigate heartbreak. The 54-year-old Oscar winner talked to Harper’s Bazaar in their October issue about her marriage to Cruise, 59.

“I was young. I think I offered it up?” she said of being married to her Eyes Wide Shut co-star, from 1990 to 2001. The exes, who reportedly disagreed on the merits of Scientology, share children Bella Kidman Cruise, 28, and Connor Cruise, 26.

“Maybe I’ve gotten a bit more trepidatious, but I’m always trying to be as open as possible,” Kidman explained. “I just prefer to live in the world that way. I’m wary at times, and I’ve been hurt, but at the same time I much prefer a warm approach rather than a prickly shutdown approach.”

She added, “My husband, Keith, says that when he met me, he said, ‘How’s your heart?’ And I apparently responded, ‘Open.'”

Kidman claimed she was more into the country singer, 53, than he was to her when they met in 2005 at an event called G’Day L.A. Urban gave a speech gushing about his mother and Kidman’s sister Antonia, her date, leaned over to her and said that men seemingly don’t get better than Urban.

“‘Yeah, but he’s not gonna be interested in me,'” Kidman recalled replying to her sister. “And he actually wasn’t that interested in me at the time — which he now says is not true; he was just sort of intimidated.”

Kidman says marriage is work, but the good kind. “We’re always working through stuff, but it’s very much love-based, so there’s an enormous amount of give and take,” she said. “I want him to have the best life he can have, and he responds the same way.”