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Dealing with family can be complicated and dynamics of blended families can be tricky, as one woman is finding out. She’s a stepmom to her husband’s 15- and 17-year-old sons and even though he passed away four years ago, they’re still part of her family. They still have keys to her house and their own bedrooms there, so they’re still in each other’s lives. And when she had professional family photos taken recently, she wanted her bonus kids to be included with her own kids and that’s where the trouble begins.

In a post to Reddit’s “Am I the a-hole” section, she explains that she’s known these kids their entire lives and adores them. Before they had the photos taken, she told their mom she was getting them, but didn’t specifically mention that her bonus kids would be in them because she says, “I assumed she would assume so.” After she got the pictures back, she got prints for her step kids’ mom and instead of being thankful, their mom told the step mom she needed to learn boundaries.

Stepmom writes that they talked some and the mom told her that while she’s glad the stepmom loves them like they’re her own, they’re not her own and that she “overstepped.” The thing is, stepmom says she’s never had any issues with the mom before and she feels it’s a “little ridiculous” for her to be upset about this. She didn’t think she needed to ask her before the family photos and she asks Reddit if she’s wrong. Most users assure her that she’s not and many point out that just because her husband died she didn’t stop being their stepmom.