We all have that one friend that completely disappears as soon as they’re boo’d up and another that essentially fuses with their partner. Messages that were once about ‘me’ suddenly take a left turn into the “we” territory. Suddenly it’s “we can’t make it” or “we’re doing sober October” or “we didn’t like the live-action Mulan.”
Worried that you’ve lost your friend to the “we” void? That’s understandable, but to be fair, relationship coach Marisa T. Cohen says the switch to “we” is actually a really good sign for them early in a relationship. “It shows that each person is thinking about the other,” she explains. “And expanding his or her own social circle to take the person into account for a joint experience.” But then again, the ‘we’ can also be a sign of some really bad things too.
For example, if you notice that one person in the relationship is using that pronoun to speak on the other’s behalf, that could be a red flag. Cohen says “it suggests maybe codependency or a problematic relationship, where the person being spoken for might acquiesce to the will of the other person.”
- So in your group texts when you’re asking to hang, if their boo is saying something like “we’re busy” all the time, it’s probably time to give your friend a call and check-in.
- And to anyone out there just realizing, “OMG, I’m in a ‘we couple’,” don’t worry. There’s hope. Clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Firestonesuggests you sit down with your partner and “challenge areas where you’ve become rigid, where one person is the decider, or the spokesperson, and look for areas where you’re closed down to feedback.”
Remember, it’s great to have things in common with them, but you both should still have your own hobbies, friends, and lives outside the relationship. You’re lovers, not conjoined twins.