Today is the day we have all been waiting for…or at least my dad has.
Here are some “Dad Jokes” that will make you either laugh, groan, think of your dad, or all of the above:

  • Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the P is silent!
  • What takes longer: going from 1st base to 2nd base or from 2nd base to 3rd?” Answer: Going from 2nd to 3rd, because there is a shortstop in between.
  • Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato are walking along the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato starts getting really angry. So, he turns around, squishes Baby Tomato and says, ‘Ketchup!’
  • What kind of exercises do lazy people do? Diddly Squats.
  • Why can’t bicycles can’t stand on their own? They’re two tired.
  • What kind of bagel can fly? A plane bagel.
  • What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? “You’re too young to smoke!”
  • What do you do when you see a spaceman? Park, man.
  • If two vegetarians are arguing, is it still considered beef?
  • What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
  • Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
  • A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says, ‘Sorry we don’t serve food here.’
  • Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? Because he was a little horse!
  • How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
  • A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge says, ‘First offender?’ She says, ‘No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!’
  • Why did the man lose his job at the calendar factory? He took a couple days off.
  • I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
  • Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
  • Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans.

And of course…

  • Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7-8-9.